Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
