I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
