She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
