new low.... made out with someone while peeing
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
