I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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