i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
