OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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