Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
