Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
