that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
