I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
