Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
