just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
