Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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