The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
