Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
