I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
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But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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