Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
