Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
