Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize