Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
