If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
