Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
