i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
