I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
