You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
