I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
