yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
