take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
