i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
