Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
