Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
