For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
