So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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