I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
