This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
