i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
