He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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