Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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