I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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