Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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