I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
