Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
