Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
