I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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