The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
