I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
