All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
