I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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