and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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