ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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