Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
50% drunk capacity currently
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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