Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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