and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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