I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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