I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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