you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
