i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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