Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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