...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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