God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
