i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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