I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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