Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
