1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
